Leaving

Leaving

Oh my….that was hard. The day started with Matthew crying all the way from Aptos to San Francisco. Heartbreaking. He was grieving. We have really created a safe place of routine and structure for him, and he already felt the chaos of change and was mourning. I was in survival mode, which means I go expressionless, look really serious, and give very short answers. My mom and I had already been sort of avoiding each other all week long, denying the inevitable. Nothing could have prepared me for how much it would hurt when I said goodbye to my parents. My sisters, Lizi and I had already been grieving us leaving and had many goodbyes, but since we were living with my parents, we hadn’t really needed to face it. When we walked away from them I thought my heart would break. I felt physically ill, and had to just put one foot in front of the other. I had to lean on everything I knew to be true to keep walking forward. All my fears came to the surface, and it was one of the scariest things I have ever done. My precious friend Amber sent me a quote from Elisabeth Elliott that said, “Do it afraid.” I laughed out loud, cuz I didn’t know how to do it any other way. I told her, “I am afraid,” so we’re good there. But, when you think about that simple quote it is so good. It’s about being brave, and trusting, and leaping. You don’t have to have it all together, or have all of the qualifications, for when God calls you to something you can leap, and He WILL catch you. 

That morning, before we left for the airport, my friend Rory wrote me this. As my mom said, “If she’s not a preacher, I don’t know anyone who is.” Here is what Rory sent me….I can’t share it with you without weeping and smiling. 

“No weapon formed against you will prosper. Just like God sent an angel ahead many times in the Old Testament to prepare the way for His servant, so He is sending an angel ahead of you. He is holding your heart when the goodbyes seem like they are more than you can take. He is anchoring you to the Rock that is unshakable. Your whole family is sheltered under the shadow of His wing and He is going to give you rest. We bind the enemy in the name of Jesus, from having any access to discourage, cause panic or fear. We loose the Holy Spirit to lift the Besk family up from the cares of this world and to energize them with a vision of eternity. They are your sent ones, and the army of God is escorting them on this assignment. There is nothing to fear and nothing to dread. When they are afraid your perfect love will wash over them. You have made their lot secure and their boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places. Surely they have a delightful inheritance. Their bodies will rest secure. You are their strength and their portion, their song. When Cat needs peace to invade a room let a song rise up on her lips to sing out. And now we sing over her and Kenny and her children the song of the redeemed, an anthem of praise to our God. Comfort her children and steady their hearts. You are truly with them wherever they go.”

The incredible thing about Rory, is when she sends you encouragement, it’s based on Scripture. She has spent her life, devoted to God’s Word, and so when she shares with you, it’s such a blessing filled with wisdom and truth.  I held these words close, and just as she said, I just cried out to God through song all day. When Matthew was bucking and screaming back by the airplane toilets, I just held on to our sweet boy and sang over him. I just let the tears flow and quietly sang and grieved with him. Kenny and I weren’t sitting next to each other, and were divided between the children, so we didn’t talk much. The person I talked to was God. I would just repeat over and over, “you are my anchor, my shield, I find my peace in You.” People must of thought I was cray-cray, but I sure didn’t care.  The song that kept coming to my lips was, “Holy Spirit”…..”Holy Spirit you are welcome here. Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.” Just asking God to surround us and fill us up with His peace that passes all understanding. 

This might be scary and terribly sad to be away from family and friends, but it is going to be so worth it. There are children in the world that are suffering the most horrible atrocities each day, everyday. We will not stand by and allow this to continue. We will fight for God’s precious children to be set free. Please pray for physical rest. This jet lag is brutal. It’s one thing as an adult, but trying to get 3 children back to a normal schedule is CRAZY! Can’t wait until next week when it is a thing of the past! Thank you for your prayers and love! Kahp-kuhn-kah! (Thank you in Thai - one of my 4 phrases that I have down) ;)

Holy Spirit - Francesca Batistelli 

There’s nothing worth more, that ever come close

No thing could compare, you’re our living hope

Your Presence, Lord

I’ve tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves

Where my heart becomes free

And my shame is undone

Your Presence, Lord

Holy Spirit you are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory God is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your Presence Lord